Excerpt from "Three Tails"

You will never know true happiness. For all your days, you shall never be more than a child.






"Rin... I don't know how to say this..." She just stared on like she always did, that brilliant mind wrapped within that dense stone of a head. With a sigh, I continued, "In order for me to achieve my goal... I- I'll have to change things a little."

"Everything's changing right? What difference does it make?"

"No.. I mean... in order to get the book I need... with the name of that demon... I need to change our past."

Rin looked confused for a moment letting the words slowly form. "But that's impossible. There's no magic powerful enough to change time."

I had to look away for a moment. That pure gaze of hers was hard to look at while filled with shame. "That's only partially true. It's not the Arcana we're familiar with. I'd be using something far more powerful to achieve this end."

"You can do that? That's amazing! You've discovered something that powerful? How? When?"

"I've had the book for a while. I found out about this incantation about a month after meeting you."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? This is going to change the Magic Community forever!"

"No.. it won't," I said hastily, not wishing our conversation to go too off course. Rin tilted her head just slightly, waiting for me to continue. "I...I'm going to use it to go back... Back to before I met you... I have to travel a different direction to get a specific book." There. I had said it. It was out there. Rin didn't speak for a long time.

"So then, that means... we won't ever meet?" Rin was slow sometimes, but I knew she wasn't just putting it together now. She just needed to hear it.

"Yes. It's the only way..."

"How.."

Before she could ask me anything, I knew she'd want to know what I was thinking. Before I knew it, the floodgates were open, and I just started talking. "I divined it... You know how I've been borrowing your scrying tools, how I've been spending pounds of gold on rare scrolls... how I've spent hours at night practicing strange incantations. I know you've noticed it... And you know what my goal in life is." I had to look away again. I closed my eyes to hide the pain I was feeling. "My only desire in life is to find the demon who cursed me. Well, I found him. I know his name, but I need the right incantation to bind him... The only known book that had it recorded perished in a fire a year after we met. The man who owned it was none other than Kaele. The only way I can get my hands on the book, is to be in Tansenton on the day we met. That's over 3 days of travel from Henninport. I tried to divine if I'd meet you after receiving the book... but I couldn't see it. So... after I leave for the book... I'll probably never see you again."

I breathed deeply, holding back the tears. As much of a nuisance as Rin was, I don't know what I'd do without her. She's become so ingrained in my life that I can't imagine life without her now.

"But if you're in Tansen on the day that we meet, won't that mean that you'd be away from Amarid?"

"I thought about that. Amarid was the one person that had made me forget about my curse. But, some things won't change. I watched and hoped that maybe our lives would be different if we went somewhere else. If I still had Amarid, I wouldn't have met you either, but I think there was still the chance we'd meet. After learning the incantation to return to the past, I thought maybe I could find a way to save him. I searched and searched and searched. No matter where I go in my life, I will meet him. I will fall in love with him, and he will die in 1 year and 32 days. One year, one month and one day exactly. I don't know the significance of the time, but I'm positive it's a result of my curse. I know I'll never be happy until I can find that demon. And after seeing what he has done, I want to make him pay."

Rin was once again quiet, more contemplative than she had ever been when I was around. "So what about going back to before the curse?"

"I thought about that too... but in every divination, there was no way to stop it. No one will believe a 9 year old child. He will arrive at Goldenden, he will slaughter hundreds, and he will curse me. The only way to change it is to command him not to."

It was a lot to take in, and I definitely didn't want to have to put Rin through this. But even worse, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. My goal in life may be one of the most heartless things anyone has ever wished for, but it was the only thing I could do to get my life back. I couldn't stand how wrong everything was, how much trouble my curse has caused, would continue to cause.

Rin's brow furrowed as she tried to put it all together. "I don't think that changing the past will work... It just... undoes itself doesn't it?"

This time I was confused. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it. If you change the past to get the book, and then find the demon and bind him like you want to, and you command him not to curse you, then you don't get cursed, don't go to find the book, and don't ever do anything to command him to not curse you."

"I don't think it works that way. And besides, I don't think I'd have enough magical power by the time the demon curses me. And I probably won't be able to use the incantation to go back a second time. If I go back, I'll have to choose between binding the demon, or going back again. To do both would probably drain me of power completely."

"But, you don't think you'll try it?"

I eyed her suspiciously. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. But she decided to elaborate before I had to ask her anything. "If you manage to bind the demon that cursed you... won't you try to go back and stop him from cursing you?"

"I told you, I don't think I can... and I don't think the magic works that way."

"Vanessa, you're not going to settle on just having the demon.... You'll want the life he took from you back. I've known you for only a short time, but you're not the type to settle."

I hadn't really thought of it. Right now I knew my limits. The spell though, wouldn't be sending the me from now back there. I'd only know what I knew back then, but I could change my path by leaving clues for myself, and the others that would be there. I had already decided on a few, but I hadn't thought about what would become of me, if I didn't meet Rin. Rin was the only one I knew capable of reining me in. If she wasn't around, I'm not sure what would happen. Who would I become if I left Rin?

"I.. hadn't thought of that... but... I have to do this..." Normally, if Rin had warned me of something, I'd disregard it. This, though, was something different. If she was right, it could mean that I could be the one that ruins my chance at having a life at all. I could throw everything I already have away just for this chance at revenge. I didn't have much time to calculate this. I had specifically put off telling Rin because it was going to be the hardest part of going back. Because of that, I had limited the amount of time I had to ponder her warning, and the implications of what I was doing with this new insight. I had less than 8 hours to figure it out, which I had planned to spend with Rin... and I still planned to. I had to go back though. It was the only reason I kept going... Maybe a lot had changed in between now and then, but there was one fact that still remained: Until I got my revenge... I would never be any more than a child...