The Raft

"It's still raining." Her soft voice barely made an impact over the constant sound of rain on the roof overhead.

"Of course it's still raining."

"But it has to stop raining some day right?" She was still hopeful. She pulled back the string on the blinds to look outside. It was consistently dark, it made the water look black. A permanent stream of water replaced the roads, and everything that wasn't at least two stories tall disappeared from view. Soon, everyone would need to move up to the third stories to be safe from the flooding.

"It doesn't have to." He hardly even moved. He just watched whatever movies he could find all day long.

"We should make a boat."

"That's stupid."

"If we make a boat, we could find where it's not raining. Come on let's go."

"If there's a place where it's not raining, then it's probably already crowded with people who had the same idea."

She grumbled and paced around the room some more. "I think I'm gonna go outside for a bit."

"Don't go too far."

She slid into a poncho and climbed the stairs to the roof of the house. The sound of the rain blocked out any other noise. It pounded against the roof, splashed into the streams, rattled the windows. The clouds above were so thick if she didn't have a watch she wouldn't know the sun was supposed to be out. The water looked like a flow of oil or ink pouring down the hill. Nobody else was out. Not that she could really see very far in the darkness, but she knew from the silence, from the stillness that no one remotely near her ever came outside. She was either the only one, or the last one.

She stepped back inside and hung the poncho up to dry. "I think we should make a boat, and see where the river takes us."

For the first time in weeks, he looked up at her. "Are you crazy? We could die!"

"What's the difference if we're not even living? We can survive forever, we've proven that. But are we living? What are we doing here?"

He stayed quiet.

"We need to leave, and if you aren't coming with me, I'll go alone."

"We can't leave... This is the only place where we're safe."

"If we can't, then I will. I'll be on the roof, building my boat." She marched back upstairs. The last he ever heard from her was the door shutting, once again blocking out all the sounds of the rain.

The Elephant in the Room

James was smoking on the balcony when Mike got home. Normally, when James went out to his "social events" he was out much later. Mike lit up a cigarette and stood next to him. "Hey, how was the party?"

James' eyes widened as he ran his hand through his hair. "On a scale of one to ten, about how crazy do you think I am?"

Mike laughed at first, but James was serious, so he decided to reply a little more carefully than he normally would. "Uh... I guess like a four or something. You're pretty down to Earth."

James took a deep drag and let out the smoke slowly. "If I said there was an elephant in the room, would you think I was crazy?"

Mike knew that James wasn't drunk. It almost looked like a drink would sober him up. "Do you mean like the expression?"

"No like a literal 10 ton elephant standing in the middle of the ball room that no one even acknowledged. Not metaphorically, not an expression, a giant elephant literally standing there."

Before Mike could even say anything, James continued, "No, not a stuffed elephant, not a picture or sculpture, a living breathing elephant."

This time, Mike took a long breath from his cigarette. "At this party you were at?" James nodded. "Did anyone else say anything about it?"

"Not a word."

"Did you ask anyone about it?"

"I couldn't. I was stunned speechless. There were a lot of people there I respected, my frickin' hero was at that party. I tried to get people to look in that direction, just to see if they were fuckin' with me, but not one reacted to it, even when facing it. Just before I was about to run over there and try to touch it, I left. I couldn't handle it anymore."

"The party's probably still going on, I could go with you."

"No way. If we went, and you didn't notice it, that four would be a 15. I'm happy where I am."

"If you say so." Mike flicked his cigarette off the balcony and walked inside.

Catalyst

The room was perfectly serene, just as he had left it. Slate gray walls, a cherry wood dresser, a four post bed dressed with deep blue bedding, with a young woman resting. Every day, he took great care not to disrupt a single detail while cleaning. Leaving a single imprint from the outside world could corrupt the complete isolation he had worked so hard to preserve. The girl was now 18. For 15 years he had been her caretaker, told never to let the outside world corrupt her. She was a young adult now, but it was still vital she never learn of the outside world. He had finished cleaning, and she started to stir. He smiled, waiting for her to come to.

"Good morning, Catalina."

The girl sat up letting the covers bunch around her. She yawned and rubbed her eyes and looked closely at the mysterious man, the stranger that was always there for her. Everything she ever needed was somehow provided by this man. "Why do you say good morning when you come in sometimes, and good afternoon or evening other times?"

He coughed. Catalina wasn't frequently curious these days. She hadn't been for quite some time. More intriguing was how neat the question was. She very rarely ever spoke. It was a surprise to hear just how good she had become at English by simply listening. "It's how I know what to bring and what to clean. Have you noticed that when I say morning, what I bring is different from when I say afternoon?"

She nodded, once again mimicking actions he typically used. It was clear she didn't intend to say anything.

"Very good. Now eat up."

She nodded again and began eating, watching as he exited the room. She had just finished her last grape when the door opened again. The new stranger came back again. She smiled, always excited to hear what this new man had to say.

"Good morning Catalina. Did I miss anything?"

She shook her head.

He chuckled. "I know, there's never anything to miss. Have you been keeping me a secret?"

She nodded excitedly. "Will you tell me more?"

"Of course, of course. It's why I'm here." He spends the next hour telling her yesterday's news. She was always intrigued by the concept of other people in the world. That they would fight and laugh and play. That they would do things so great for each other, but then do so many awful things. By the end of their hour together he asked, "Wouldn't it be fun if Taylor got that job she wanted, even if it meant that Amy wouldn't get it?"

"I always liked Taylor. I think she should get the job. But what about Amy?"

"Amy will just have to move out again I think."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

They waved goodbye and Catalina's mysterious friend was gone again.

Outside, he lifted a phone to his ear, "Hey Taylor. I think you're gonna get that job. And that girl you hate. She's gonna be out of there soon too."

Wish - Late

"It started with a dream I had," she said quietly to the bartender. Her fingers traced a line in the counter top. "Something made it unusually vivid. It was probably just painkillers, but I felt nothing. There was... nothing to feel. I knew that there was no hope or relief, no end of the tunnel or shining light. Though there was nothing, every direction I pressed, I felt resistance, like invisible walls. I woke up that morning and that feeling, or the lack of feeling crept into my soul. I can't describe it any more than crippling depression, despite how cliche that sounds."

The old man filled a tall glass with whiskey and slid it over to the last patron in the bar. She sighed, took a sip, and continued her story, "I probably could have laid there for the rest of my life. I concentrated on my heartbeat for a minute or two. Feeling it somehow changed my perspective. If there was nothing everywhere else, then I was something. It kind of sounds conceited, but I was the only something. I could decide what was something and what was nothing. Sort of. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this."

He chuckled to himself. "I'm very grateful for what you've done for me. The least I could do is listen to your story. I really would like to hear it."

A distant smile lingered on her face, her eyes semi-focused on the glass in her hands. "I still don't understand the limitations, but I- I guess I make dreams come true. The one wish that stands the strongest in your heart can come true. Something I do makes it happen. Don't tell anyone though. I don't think it'd be good if people found out it."

"That's it? That's all you're going to say? You're being a tease," he said, clearly enjoying himself.

She stood up and slid the bar stool forward. With a smile she said, "I'm the last person your bar will ever serve. You can retire now. Why not get an early start? Besides, my ride's here."

She waved and walked out, the cold air filling in behind her. It would be the last time he felt the winter's chill.

--

"Hey Sylvie. How did it go?"

The girl looked back to the door, that sad look on her face masked by that sweet smile. "Just the way he wanted, I would say." She sits down in his car and rubs her hands together to fight of the cold. "So did you think about what you wanted yet?"

Who gets to be the hero?

Jamison: Do you remember that movie that came out a few years back... District 9 I think?

Keller: Yeah, what about it?

Jamison: Well, in that movie, an alien spaceship appeared to run out of resources and sort of, parked on Earth. But what if those aliens hadn't been so lucky to make it to Earth?

Keller: Is this just another hypothetical thing? C'mon, you have to have something better to do with your time.

Jamison: No no, not entirely... Just think about it. We have 8 planets in our solar system and 5 dwarf planets in the Kuiper belt. And off the top of my head I don't even know the number of moons those planets have. What would you think if an alien ship got stranded on say, one of Saturn's moons?

Keller: If they ran out of resources getting to our solar system, then they probably wouldn't go to Saturn.

Jamison: But Saturn is a fairly large planet and if the ship that was traveling lost speed, it might have been pulled into its orbit, and then subsequently pulled into the orbit of one of its many satellites.

Keller: So what? Are you saying we scour every moon of every planet looking for crashed spaceships?

Jamison: Sort of... What I'm saying is that there might be a sign or something telling us to look somewhere.

Keller: Like a distress beacon or something?

Jamison: Yes. Something like a distress beacon, but something we might detect... Periodic discharges of particles into space.

Keller: Why wouldn't they just use a radio or something?

Jamison: They might not use radios where they're from. They could use some method of communication that we are not familiar with, or that we are not currently pointing in Saturn's direction.

Keller: Are you proposing that there's an alien spacecraft on a moon of Saturn?

Jamison: I'm proposing that there's a distress call that's been taking place on Enceladus for possibly 400 years.

Keller: So an alien ship has been trapped on Saturn, pardon, Saturn's moon for 400 years and they're still sending out this distress signal?

Jamison: Yes. It's likely that they managed to harness some small amount of energy from the geologic events to shoot water through the frozen surface and into space.

Keller: Why wouldn't they just harness that energy and use it to get off the planet.

Jamison: I don't know. I think maybe their vessel is beyond repair or requires a component not available on Enceladus.

Keller: So they can jery-rig geysers into blasting ice into space, but they can't blast their ship back into space?

Jamison: It might be a moot point. Maybe they didn't want their ship to be subject to Saturn's gravitational pull. It's likely that their craft might be fragile or difficult to find on a planet the size of Saturn.

Keller: So these aliens, are blasting water into space so that someone, we can find them?

Jamison: That's what I think.

Keller: And why do you say that?

Jamison: The ring of particles around Saturn isn't consistent. Enceladus is periodically shooting ice into orbit and then collecting it within a few days. Most of the ice is just scooped back up and falls back to the surface. Only particularly violent eruptions send ice far enough into orbit to remain there for decades at a time. Like most Satellites, Enceladus has a slightly elliptical orbit, and these most violent eruptions occur at the apex once every 20 rotations. The power of the eruptions that are taking place would have severely depleted the mass on the Southern pole of Enceladus had the eruptions been more frequent or consistent for more than ten thousand years. Something is causing those eruptions to take place at the specific rate, regulating it, and waiting until enough ice has recollected on the surface, and it hasn't been going on for very long.

Keller: A compelling point, but isn't it possible that these events could be taking place naturally?

Jamison: It is. It's always possible that it could be a coincidence, but in the event that it's not, which we have sufficient evidence to believe otherwise, we need to get up close and examine this event.

Keller: You want to prioritize the TSSM over EJSM.

Jamison: We need to get a lander out there quickly. We can't wait another 15 years to launch it. It takes 7 years to get out there. Who knows how long it'll be before we can bring something back? It could take another 50 years to put something together that would be capable of excavating and recovering an alien craft.

Keller: Well you can put together a presentation, and I can get you a meeting, but I can't promise you they won't laugh you out of the place.


75 years later, the Jamison-Callister project was commissioned, and 70 well-preserved alien bodies were discovered on the surface of Enceladus.

Close enough... it counts...

So this was a pretty interesting day... I got to go ice skating for the first time ever... for a half an hour. But that was only after we waited at a restaurant for about a half an hour when the people we were waiting for were already there... That was pretty retarded of us... In any case, ice skating was fun. I have to say I'd enjoy doing it again pretty soon if the opportunity arose. But basically I didn't have anything substantial to write, so I'll bring up something from my archives... something that was going to be an opener or intro to a novel or book series but I decided to take it in a different direction, so it may never actually see the light of day. But thanks to my blog, it gets to feel a little bit of light... even if it's only murky interwebz light.





Another beer can is crushed onto the table. The hand that smashed it belonged to Aaron Bower, a massive man that somehow passed as a college student. He easily looked big enough to be some sort of lumberjack or something. He was one of the members of the fraternity that was hosting the party. "Ha," he said, gloating in victory, swaying just slightly. With a heavy slur coating his voice he continued, "Betcha can't beat-" he stifled a burp, "that. 16 cans. A lil' girl like you din't stand a chance." He signaled he was done talking by letting out a loud belch. A few guys around him cheered him on.

Allison looked at the pile of beer cans next to her. She was at 12 already. Was another four really that much? With a shrug she pulled up another six-pack from the ground. "All right. If you really don't think I stand a chance, then you wouldn't mind a little wager now, would ya?" Despite having two mixed drinks, a shot, and a dozen beers, Allison looked totally sober. She was easily half the weight of the monstrous frat boy across the table from her, but that never seemed to be a problem for her.

About ten people surrounding the table started egging on Allison's opponent. After less than a minute, he gave in. "A'right. Whaddyou say?"

"I could use a new TV." He was bragging about how he just bought a 38" flat screen when he arrived at the party. Allison didn't really want the TV. It was just worth it to see how sure of himself he was.

The "Der..." he let out for the first few seconds was almost comical. He was thinking, and he was thinking extremely hard. Hard enough to make some sort of droning noise leak out from the circuitry in his brain. He didn't sound very confident when he finally did get to his reply. "How about... 300 bucks?"

"I can deal with that." She had spent her last 20 bucks on beer and ramen noodles. Her roommate had asked her to restock the fridge, but Allison knew the ramen wasn't what she meant. If there wasn't something substantial in there by Friday, Lisa was going to kill her. "So when I win, I get 300 bucks, sweet deal."

Her confidence was surely earned, but the challenger wasn't so certain. "Well, show up the money." He had no problem pulling out his wallet and counting up an assortment of bills. Allison probably couldn't even muster three dollars at the moment.

"Well, I don't bring that kind of cash around with me," she said, while idly rubbing her shoulder. "I mean, c'mon. If I carried around that kind of money I'd be askin' to get robbed."

"Then.... Whadoo I get if you lose?"

"Umm... I guess I didn't plan that far ahead." Her hands drummed nervously on the edge of the table. She was the idiot who brought up betting in the first place.

A few people in the crowd started to make suggestions, but eventually, Aaron silenced them all with one word. "Streaking."

It was only one word. One tiny insignificant word. But that word was loaded with all sorts of meaning. Exhibitionism, humiliation, poor judgement, and about a million other things Allison had no intention of being associated with. Luckily, she also had no intention of losing. Four cans of beer? That was a cakewalk.

Allison was about to accept the bet, but looked around first. She was instantly ready to knock out every guy among their circle that was already fantasizing it. Now suddenly, her group weighed whether they wanted her to win or lose. It was aggravating, but she knew she wasn't going to lose.

"Deal." Allison's wager sent Aaron into an excited whooping frenzy. Did it always have to be like this?

Allison flipped open the lid and started drinking the first can. She didn't chug it like her opponent did, but after about three long drinks it was gone. Then the next, then the next and when she placed down the fourth empty beer can, Aaron looked like his eyes were about to roll out onto the table. All around her was the chattering from the watching crowd, "Where does she put it?" and "How is that possible," and "Aaron's in trouble now." Allison waited to see what Aaron would say. It was so hard not to rub it in his face and do a little victory dance.

"'Dis i'nt ower yet." He grabbed another six pack and started chugging more beer. After four he was more than a little staggered, and didn't even loook like he could handle another one. But he kept going until he finished the six pack. His eyes were glazed over and he mumbled something unintellgible.

Allison didn't want him to pass out or anything. Who knew what terrible things would happen to him if he passed out now? That didn't mean she was going to let him win or anything. The consequences of that were far worse. "All I have to say is that I'm glad I'm not paying for the beer..." Allison opened up another beer and started drinking. She finished her 23rd beer and looked over to Aaron. "Isn't this enough? Don't you think you're at your limit yet?" she asked kindly.

Aaron snapped another beer out of the six-pack ring and started drinking. He got about half way through before he started coughing up beer, letting it splatter all over the place. A few people rushed over and he managed to keep himself from throwing it all up. He reached for his beer again but tipped over as his balance left him. "I guess that means I win..." Allison said grabbing the money off the table. "No streaking tonight. Sorry boys," she cooed with a wink.

That was probably the last moment her life could be considered normal...

Classified

So remember how I said there was something that I was working on that I couldn't really publish? Well here's a little something from it. It's just a little bit of history for what I'm working on and actually takes place well before the main stuff.

Enjoy!


"Should we really consider ourselves lucky?"

"You still have your life don't you?"

"But... think of what we've lost."

Two young men stand on the observation deck of the C class colonization space vessel, Edict. Beyond the thick glass windows is an incredible view of the planet Fatum. It seemed wrong for a planet to outshine its star, but Fatum did. It was a brilliant blue light that could make your heart ache. Matthew looked toward the sight that currently occupied all of his partner's attention. "Cyril? Is something wrong?"

"I am thinking about everything we've lost," he replied gruffly. "The Maw has chased us to the ends of the galaxy and back. Some of us escaped... some of us didn't. For those that didn't... we owe it to them to keep going. I'm not sure why that old man said this planet was so important... But we're here."

Matthew leaned against the glass staring down at the planet. It was a beautiful sight, but he found it so hard to embrace the beauty at the cost they had paid. "Why do you think this planet shines so much?"

"What would I know? I'm a pilot, not a scientist."

"I guess I asked that wrong... Why do you think this place is so significant?"

"Captain Tyle said it was. He said it was our only destiny."

Matthew sighed. He knew that Cyril would never break a promise to a dying man... but normally Cyril was so certain. Today he felt distant. Matt just wanted to get a few thoughts out of Cyril today. The morale on the ship had never been higher. Having reached the crazy dream of the Captain's they would finally be able to colonize. Right now, they were waiting for the surveyors to come back with the report.

Before the door opened, Cyril had already turned to face it. "What's the report."

Hansen had barely entered the room. He looked flustered, and very nervous. "Sir, Fatum is.. uninhabitable."

Matthew cringed when he heard the loud thud of Cyril's fist against the glass. "Dammit. Why would you lead us here? Where are we supposed to go now?" Cyril was speaking to himself. In his frustration he cursed a few times before the surveyor spoke up again.

"Ah... sir... there was something interesting though.. about the planet," he paused and cleared his throat. "The surface of the planet is highly crystallized... It's formed in a way we've never seen before. The only thing remotely similar is some of the equipment recovered from Consumption sites. We believe that the the material might be useful as a catalyst for fusion and... distortion fields."

"Distortion fields?"

"Yes. Senior Researcher Glannen was excited after the initial analysis. He explained to me, that the formation of the crystal requires forces that we cannot replicate."

Cyril's eyes widened. "I've heard enough. I'll speak with Glennon myself." Matthew nearly had to jog to keep up with Cyril's quick stride.

"Cyril? Cyril, what does this mean? Tell me what's going on?"

He stopped and took a deep breath. "Matthew... do you remember what the Captain always said? He said that to guarantee escape from the Maw, we would need to move through the universe the way it does. He recognized the Maw for what it was... it's not just a hole... a destructive force of the universe. He said it was its own life, and we could see a small part of it. He tried to explain it to me. I couldn't understand him, but eventually he said that to see it for what it is, we would need a distortion field. A week later he was having nightmares... and you know what happened from there."

Matthew nodded solemnly. "So you think that this place might be the key to understanding the Maw?"

This time Cyril nodded. "Even if this place is uninhabitable... we will find a way to live here. Fatum will be where we finally get our revenge against the Maw."

"I'm afraid it will be much harder than that." Glannen had overheard and ran a hand through his silvery hair. "While the material will be invaluable to us... it won't be what allows us to take revenge on the Maw."

Cyril did not look pleased. "Then what will it do?"

"The structure of the crystal, when charged with enough energy, is capable of expanding in a direction we can't measure."

"What does that mean?"

"It's very difficult to visualize, but it can make two points in space that seem very far apart to us be very close."

"So this would be like bending space?" Matthew asks, having a much better idea of the situation than Cyril.

"Yes. Similar to 'bending space.'"

"How does that help us stop the Maw?" Cyril asked, always cutting to the chase.

"It won't help us stop the Maw, but at the least, by using the distortion field as a compass, we can move through space in a different way. We won't have to just push our ships to the fullest throttle and hope it doesn't catch up."

"So we can sort of just skip town on it?" Matthew asked.

The researcher chuckled and replied, "Yes. We would be in front of it one moment, and a million miles away the next."

"If we can do that to ourselves... can we do that to the Maw?"

Glannen and Matthew both looked to Cyril , faces full of surprise. When Glennon recovered he spoke. "I hadn't thought of that. I'm not sure what sort of equipment we would need for that... or how much energy."

"Find out. Even if it takes 1000 years, we have to learn how to stop the Maw."

Excerpt from "Three Tails"

You will never know true happiness. For all your days, you shall never be more than a child.






"Rin... I don't know how to say this..." She just stared on like she always did, that brilliant mind wrapped within that dense stone of a head. With a sigh, I continued, "In order for me to achieve my goal... I- I'll have to change things a little."

"Everything's changing right? What difference does it make?"

"No.. I mean... in order to get the book I need... with the name of that demon... I need to change our past."

Rin looked confused for a moment letting the words slowly form. "But that's impossible. There's no magic powerful enough to change time."

I had to look away for a moment. That pure gaze of hers was hard to look at while filled with shame. "That's only partially true. It's not the Arcana we're familiar with. I'd be using something far more powerful to achieve this end."

"You can do that? That's amazing! You've discovered something that powerful? How? When?"

"I've had the book for a while. I found out about this incantation about a month after meeting you."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? This is going to change the Magic Community forever!"

"No.. it won't," I said hastily, not wishing our conversation to go too off course. Rin tilted her head just slightly, waiting for me to continue. "I...I'm going to use it to go back... Back to before I met you... I have to travel a different direction to get a specific book." There. I had said it. It was out there. Rin didn't speak for a long time.

"So then, that means... we won't ever meet?" Rin was slow sometimes, but I knew she wasn't just putting it together now. She just needed to hear it.

"Yes. It's the only way..."

"How.."

Before she could ask me anything, I knew she'd want to know what I was thinking. Before I knew it, the floodgates were open, and I just started talking. "I divined it... You know how I've been borrowing your scrying tools, how I've been spending pounds of gold on rare scrolls... how I've spent hours at night practicing strange incantations. I know you've noticed it... And you know what my goal in life is." I had to look away again. I closed my eyes to hide the pain I was feeling. "My only desire in life is to find the demon who cursed me. Well, I found him. I know his name, but I need the right incantation to bind him... The only known book that had it recorded perished in a fire a year after we met. The man who owned it was none other than Kaele. The only way I can get my hands on the book, is to be in Tansenton on the day we met. That's over 3 days of travel from Henninport. I tried to divine if I'd meet you after receiving the book... but I couldn't see it. So... after I leave for the book... I'll probably never see you again."

I breathed deeply, holding back the tears. As much of a nuisance as Rin was, I don't know what I'd do without her. She's become so ingrained in my life that I can't imagine life without her now.

"But if you're in Tansen on the day that we meet, won't that mean that you'd be away from Amarid?"

"I thought about that. Amarid was the one person that had made me forget about my curse. But, some things won't change. I watched and hoped that maybe our lives would be different if we went somewhere else. If I still had Amarid, I wouldn't have met you either, but I think there was still the chance we'd meet. After learning the incantation to return to the past, I thought maybe I could find a way to save him. I searched and searched and searched. No matter where I go in my life, I will meet him. I will fall in love with him, and he will die in 1 year and 32 days. One year, one month and one day exactly. I don't know the significance of the time, but I'm positive it's a result of my curse. I know I'll never be happy until I can find that demon. And after seeing what he has done, I want to make him pay."

Rin was once again quiet, more contemplative than she had ever been when I was around. "So what about going back to before the curse?"

"I thought about that too... but in every divination, there was no way to stop it. No one will believe a 9 year old child. He will arrive at Goldenden, he will slaughter hundreds, and he will curse me. The only way to change it is to command him not to."

It was a lot to take in, and I definitely didn't want to have to put Rin through this. But even worse, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. My goal in life may be one of the most heartless things anyone has ever wished for, but it was the only thing I could do to get my life back. I couldn't stand how wrong everything was, how much trouble my curse has caused, would continue to cause.

Rin's brow furrowed as she tried to put it all together. "I don't think that changing the past will work... It just... undoes itself doesn't it?"

This time I was confused. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it. If you change the past to get the book, and then find the demon and bind him like you want to, and you command him not to curse you, then you don't get cursed, don't go to find the book, and don't ever do anything to command him to not curse you."

"I don't think it works that way. And besides, I don't think I'd have enough magical power by the time the demon curses me. And I probably won't be able to use the incantation to go back a second time. If I go back, I'll have to choose between binding the demon, or going back again. To do both would probably drain me of power completely."

"But, you don't think you'll try it?"

I eyed her suspiciously. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. But she decided to elaborate before I had to ask her anything. "If you manage to bind the demon that cursed you... won't you try to go back and stop him from cursing you?"

"I told you, I don't think I can... and I don't think the magic works that way."

"Vanessa, you're not going to settle on just having the demon.... You'll want the life he took from you back. I've known you for only a short time, but you're not the type to settle."

I hadn't really thought of it. Right now I knew my limits. The spell though, wouldn't be sending the me from now back there. I'd only know what I knew back then, but I could change my path by leaving clues for myself, and the others that would be there. I had already decided on a few, but I hadn't thought about what would become of me, if I didn't meet Rin. Rin was the only one I knew capable of reining me in. If she wasn't around, I'm not sure what would happen. Who would I become if I left Rin?

"I.. hadn't thought of that... but... I have to do this..." Normally, if Rin had warned me of something, I'd disregard it. This, though, was something different. If she was right, it could mean that I could be the one that ruins my chance at having a life at all. I could throw everything I already have away just for this chance at revenge. I didn't have much time to calculate this. I had specifically put off telling Rin because it was going to be the hardest part of going back. Because of that, I had limited the amount of time I had to ponder her warning, and the implications of what I was doing with this new insight. I had less than 8 hours to figure it out, which I had planned to spend with Rin... and I still planned to. I had to go back though. It was the only reason I kept going... Maybe a lot had changed in between now and then, but there was one fact that still remained: Until I got my revenge... I would never be any more than a child...